Please help me to resolve a crisis which has arisen in my marriage. I should mention that I have been married to Richard, a sweet, dear man, for seven years, and we have two children. The problem is that recently, while scrubbing the grout behind the toilet, I received the revelation that I am actually Monumenta, Feminarch of the Megaverse. I immediately blasted the grout behind the toilet with a thunderbolt.
Richard was not amused about the thunderbolt and feels I am being unnecessarily grandiose, but the children, little Bethany the Destroyer and Jeffrey, Trasher of Living-rooms, seem perfectly comfortable with my revealed glory.
What can I do to reassure Richard that I have no intention of crushing him like the contemptible mortal he is?
Monumenta, Feminarch of the Megaverse
Chere Mme. Megaverse,
Congratulations regarding your newly discovered majesty. Always, I am recommending for the wives to be having the careers and interests outside of the home so that they can be expanding the minds. Clearly, you are expanding the mind more than the usual. This is being the kind of dramatic revelation you can be expecting while you are crouching head-downward and inhaling the volatile tile-cleaning vapors in the enclosed space.
I am understanding that the omnipotence, it is the intoxication for you. You are drunk with the satisfaction of crushing entire galaxies to destroy the person who was cutting you off in the traffic three years ago, but you must be remembering that M. Richard, he is naturally feeling the little bit threatened by your new interests. Possibly, he is concerned that you are growing apart from him. He is not wanting to be looking for the new love at this stage of his life.
It is being up to you to reassure him. Look for the ways that you can be making him to feel included. For example, give him the impressive title such as Throngar, Imperial Prince Consort to the Feminarch. Include for him the gold lame costume with the nice crown. Give him a planet, a nice one, possibly with the natives which he can be oppressing after the hard day at the office.
But perhaps you are wondering if you are even wishing to keep M. Richard. Perhaps you are thinking that after the long day of blasting things and supervising les enfants terrible, it would be nice to be coming home to the husband who is having the appreciation for how difficult is the job of the Feminarch.
This is the big foolishness. Before you were discovering your true identity, was M. Richard appreciating the difficulty for the job of the housewife? Non. This is having nothing to do with being the Feminarch. This is merely the way of the husbands everywhere in the galaxy.
Bon Chance, Mme. Megaverse. Even if you were crushing M. Richard into the magma pits of Sarnath and marrying Gargantuon, Dominator of the Cosmovoid, you would still be feeling unappreciated. This is being the fate of the Feminarch, n'est pas?