Dear Madame Toujours,
Recently, while exploring the galaxy alone for a very long time--a very, very long time--I came across an encrypted communique. Deciphering the transmission with difficulty, I was eventually able to ascertain that, to quote the often-repeated refrain, "Earth Girls are Easy."
This seems promising, and I am anxious to make a detour to Earth to test the above-mentioned proposition to whit that the females of Earth are sexually, shall we say, uninhibited. I have two questions, however: First, where is Earth? Second, what is a girl, and to which of the nine sexes are girls comparable? I'd hate for anyone to think I was some kind of pervert.
Once you have cleared up these little details, I can be on my way to Earth for a little inter-species romance.
Cher M. or Mme. Calgon,
As to the first question, since you are not sending me your coordinates, I am not being sure where you are or how you should be getting to Earth. This is not being for me the area of the expertise.
For the other question, I am not being sure which sex you are preferring. For example, if you are the greenish, oozing person, possibly you should not be wasting for yourself the trip since there is not being anybody here who is being attracted to you.
However, I am sure that all of my readers are hoping that you are the alien prince or princess with the flowing blond hairs, the face of a god and the exotic alien sexual powers who will be stealing them away from the lives of drudgery for the adventures among the stars.
Assuming that this is being the case, you are having only to land the spaceship, announce that you are seeking the lover to join you for the adventures, and pick out the eager individual who is looking mostly like the gender to which you are being accustomed.
Bon Chance, M. or Mme. Calgon and remember that contrary to what you may have been hearing, certain kinds of probings are being usually considered rude on Earth. Always ask first for the permissions.