Your brand is supposed to tell prospective readers who you are and what they can expect from your books, and it’s supposed to make them feel that they would like to hang out with you and even buy a copy of your book, and it’s supposed to be targeted specifically to your audience. For example, if you write science-fiction, you don’t want to be branded as, say, Amish. So you would probably want to steer clear of blog posts about barn-raising or beards.
If I had a brand, it would be something like Fruity Sugar O’s, and it would be full of preservatives and high-fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors, and it would be riddled with GMO’s, and fortified with something politically incorrect like enriched uranium or child labor.
I don’t know why. It just seems like the kind of brand I would have.
Plus, I like GMOs. Not for eating; nobody should eat them. I just like the idea of mutant tomatoes, and people with three brains, and possibly triffids.[i]
Actually, since I’m currently writing a Lovecraftian urban fantasy, maybe I would be Crunchy Cthulhu Flakes with extra ichor and a plastic cultist prize in every box, but that just doesn’t sit quite right on me, so probably I would just be Fruity Sugar O’s, but I would serve them with ichor[ii] instead of milk. Fruity Sugar O’s are so full of sugar and preservatives, they go with pretty much everything.
Well, not everything. You wouldn’t want them as a healthy part of this complete breakfast, nor would they be good for your cholesterol, and they’re impractical for weight-loss, and no amount of exercise could possibly make up for what they would do to your body, but I feel that’s the point, really.
So anyway, I’ve found my brand, and I’m ready to go out in the world and invite everybody to try Fruity Sugar O’s. I understand the first symptom is temporary blindness.